Phenomenal Blogger Series

STEPHANIE J. GATES...ON BEING GRown

Having a conversation with some of my college students recently ages 18-52; I came to understand how much of being grown is misunderstood by the masses. It was the 18 year-old of course who proclaimed her grown-ness. I chuckled to myself as I reminisced on thinking I was grown at 18, 21, 30 etc.--buying into the hype that it is a magic number that makes us full- fledged adults, full fledged women even.

For some, it’s when we take on grown-up responsibilities or do adult things like my former 7th grade student who had a baby and thought she was more woman than me. So many times I thought I was grown for real: having my heart mangled; fighting fibroids and nullifying my chances of having a baby; finishing my degrees in the midst of whatever was going on at the time; caring for and losing loved ones; knowing when to move on, when to stay, not knowing-- and living through it anyway.

There is a huge difference between being an adult and being grown: one is a number; the other is a lifetime of living. Certain expectations come with age, but how many times do we fall short? We might be adults, but can we really say we’re grown when some of us still pout and/or throw tantrums when we don’t get our way, can’t live without gossiping, passing judgment or keeping up with the Joneses. How often do we know the right thing to do, but just don’t to do it?

There are times in my life when I don’t want to take the high road or do what needs to be done. I simply want to be an irresponsible adult living my life and not answering to anyone. But that’s not real life unless you have a trust fund or your name is Charlie Sheen.

So, I have to accept the responsibility that comes with being grown as opposed to just being an adult. Grown is a place that we visit, some of us more often than others, but it is not a place of permanent residency because as soon as we’re comfortable and settled in, it’s time to move on because life is about growing through changes.

BIO: Stephanie J. Gates is an educator, blogger, editor and freelance writer. Her publishing credits include: Being Single Magazine, N'Digo, Mahogany Magazine, and several popular anthologies for women.


Image Photographer Dan

Guest Post***The Roar Series** Amy Parmenter

As Pen and Prosper invites women to share success stories, we are reminded of the ‘brilliance’ of Helen Reddy’s hit song ‘I Am Woman Hear Me Roar’. Great tune and perhaps an appropriate call to action in its day but I, for one, think Helen Reddy got it wrong. As a woman, I don’t want to roar. I want to purr.

Let’s look at the definitions.

A roar is loud, intimidating and often used as an expression of ‘distress or rage.’ While a roaring lioness may be captivating to watch from afar, would you dare approach?

A purr on the other hand is the ultimate expression of satisfaction. The dictionary defines a purring cat as ‘content or pleased’. As exciting as a roar might sound, wouldn’t you prefer to listen to the lioness purr?

A year ago I was roaring. Roaring about everything and everybody.

- Though I had landed a dream job, I was unhappy in my work. ROAR!!!
- In order to be with my husband, I had to move away from family and friends. ROAR!!
- I lost a sweet, kind brother who had a difficult life and a tragic death. ROAR!!

I could go on, but roaring is exhausting. It’s exhausting to listen to and it’s exhausting to do.

No doubt you could be ‘known’ for your roar, but being known for something and being respected for it are two different things. Think of the people you respect. Do they roar?

So, one year later I am purring. I am purring so loud that I can barely hear others roar. In fact, I think I noticed some roarers stop to hear me purr – which of course only made me purr more.

Do you roar or purr?

If you are roaring, then the greatest thing you can do for yourself is to figure out what makes you purr.

For me, it’s been writing. And, I have to tell you, I’m shocked. Really. I’ve never thought of myself as a writer. I’ve been a daughter, a sister, a friend, an entrepreneur, and an award-winning reporter – but I never realized I was a writer - until I started to blog.

One of the goals of blogging is to make money, and I’m sure I will. But, in my opinion, the greatest measure of success – blogging or otherwise - is self-satisfaction, because so few are able to achieve it.

We live in a day and age where ‘success’ may come sooner to those who roar. So, everybody starts roaring and nobody is heard. Bloggers, writers and other artists are often encouraged to ‘find your voice’ - but roaring makes you lose your voice.

“Oh yes I am wise but it's wisdom born of pain. Yes, I've paid the price but look how much I gained. I am strong. I am invincible….”

I am woman. Hear me purr.

BIO
Amy Parmenter is a blogger (ParmFarm.com) and a longtime radio and television reporter. In addition to her blog, Amy currently works for NBC in Connecticut and KYW Newsradio in Philadelphia. Not only has she enjoyed success in the media, Amy brings to her work a broad range of experience in other fields as well.

During her early years at KYW, Amy was offered an opportunity to host a CBS radio talk show - and did so for more than two years. But ultimately, Amy says, she returned to her first love, once again delivering the news rather than just talking about it.

Prior to joining the news business, Amy spent several years running her own business, a successful clothing manufacturing company that sold to virtually every upscale store in the country. She has also enjoyed success in venture capital, playing matchmaker between entrepreneurs and investors.

Amy attended Temple University where she graduated magna cum laude with a B.S. in Sports Medicine. She now lives in the greater Hartford area with her husband and together they enjoy golfing, biking and all Connecticut has to offer!

See more of Amy Parmenter’s work at: www.parmfarm.com.

Pen and Prosper welcomes your comments on this post. Do you roar or purr? Is being a "strong" woman an asset or a liability for business or relational success today? What are your thoughts?

Coming in March: I am WOMAN Hear Me Roar Series!

James Brown said it best:"This is a man's world, but it ain't nothin' without a woman or a girl."

Helen Reddy boasted of our brilliance in a popular hit song of former decades, "I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!"

Sistahs, whatever your color or creed, Pen and Prosper would like to salute you in March, which is historically significant, in that it's National Women's History Month.
To celebrate our collective gifts and talents, I'd like to feature 10 bodacious female Bloggers and/or writers within the month, and share related success stories.
Interested?
Submit a 250-500 word piece as a Microsoft Word Attachment, along with your photo, Bio and 2 links to: Jenniferwriter@yahoo.com

Deadline is March 1, 2010.

I look forward to connecting and expanding our reach!